The edge of eighteen. That stage where you are either about to turn 18 or just turned 18, an age so confusing because you’re battling all of the emotions of a teenager while trying to adopt the mindset of an adult . There’s so much change in your life and it feels like you’re trying to hold on to fragments of your childhood, while they are rapidly flying away from your hands.
Growing up is scary. There’s no biting around it. It is undoubtedly one of the weirdest experiences associated with the human race. Because what do you mean I was the size of a squash in my mother’s stomach, now I am a full sized human? This transition from being a child to an adult really is the weirdest of them all because you’re old enough to vote, you’re old enough to make definitive decisions that will tremendously impact the course of your life, you’re old enough to sign important documents yourself, and yet, the rational part of your brain is not fully developed yet.
When I think of being an adult, I’m not necessarily scared because it is what it is, seasons change, people evolve. It is destined to happen. On one hand, I am excited to live life through my own lens, live life for myself, experience humanity, meet a variety of new people, travel, try new foods, learn new languages, and just live.
On the other hand, I am just worried about adult things. The mere thought of having to call my insurance company and file a claim, or having to know what a 401k is makes me want to disguise as a six year old forever. Being obligated to pay taxes, bills, taking care of yourself when you’re sick, maintaining your car yourself is a jarring thought because it makes you realize it’s nice to have someone looking out for you, worrying about your basic needs while you just worry about making yourself happy.
Another part of not only my fear, but a lot of people’s fear of growing up is companionship, because making friends as an adult is hard and I don’t want to be lonely. In high school, it’s easy to keep someone close because you’re seeing that person everyday and having your schedules align with each other; you’re meeting them in the hallway or after school, or doing the same extracurricular. However, when you’re an adult, you’re schedules might not align with your friends, and sometimes life happens, so you may not see the person as much you want, or in some cases ever again: which, I’ll say, makes me a little scared because although I’m not the type of person that needs a lot of people around them, it’ll be nice to have a support system.
Still, in spite of some fears, I am determined to enjoy this new journey of my life. I’m ready to move beyond the edge.
